Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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