was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
