if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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