Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
