you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
