i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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