So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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