watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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