i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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