The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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