I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
