I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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