Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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