He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
