benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
