Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
