My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
