So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
