high people should be assigned attendants
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
