I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
