are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize