I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
