So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize