Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
