The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
this is an emotional support booty call
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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