I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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