I can tuck mytits in my pants
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
