I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I have aggressive nipples.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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