apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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