My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
