I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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