i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
