I want to walk on stilts...naked
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
