White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
