Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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