If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
