And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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