Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
