I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
