Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize