Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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