went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
