"it" just moved
I puked a lego.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
