Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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