i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Life is so much better after having sex.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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