I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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