I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I deserve this hangover.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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