My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
