It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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