Come see our sink grown plant.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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