his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I enjoy the company of your penis
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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