went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
