You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
