my soul wont recognize me after tonight
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
