she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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