happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I skipped work to stalk him.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
