p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
