She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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