I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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