If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
