I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he thought i was a dude.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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