ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize