South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I intend to get homeless drunk
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
