i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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