You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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